Yesterday was the first Thanksgiving of many more holidays to come where someone is missing from the festivities. Bri and I were supposed to go to MT to visit my sisters but our plans changed at the last minute. We are very used to the plans changing so we take it in stride now. Nobody would ever guess that I hate change - of any kind. I've gotten so good at adapting that I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
We spent the morning in our pjs with Heather and Kenzie for Heather's birthday while her fiance had to work at the police department. She made us fresh coffee and cinnamon rolls.
Then we made ourselves pretty and drove the five minutes to the Chain Gang house where she spent the entire time (except for the five minutes to get food) in the basement snuggled up on the sofa with Jay (don't worry - there was plenty of adult supervision and random hand checks.) We had a great time - made some new friends, ate too much and relaxed. It wasn't the same Thanksgiving we had last year but I am trying to look to the present and future instead of second guessing what has already happened and comparing each day with last year's.
Today I got out of bed and started the tedious process of cleaning the house in preparation for the Christmas decorations. Bri wants to go all out this year so come on by and help celebrate. As I was sitting in the spare room going through Christmas decorations looking for the Christmas cds I was visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past...now my facebook page reflects this visit and all the reminders that I must deal with Christmas Past to get to Christmas Present and eventually Christmas Future. It has been a reflective day - but one I got through unmedicated :) I know that Mike is looking down from Heaven and enjoying a new, painfree life. I want to get to that place here on earth of painfree. I also know that Christmas was not Mike's favorite time of year because he drove for UPS and it meant more work for him.
I also know that this isn't the "first" holiday we've had to deal with and it won't be the last...but we must deal with all of them one day at a time.
I called his mom and dad for Thanksgiving and my parents and several of my sisters too. I missed some people but I know that they know that I'm thinking of them and I love them. Jaydan's mom, Arylee, wrote a beautiful blog about the empty seat yesterday which made me cry but also reminded me that he may not be with me physically but he's here spiritually and emotionally and mentally.
Thank you for all the love and support. As Ayrlee said family isn't the strain of DNA you have - if that was the case then Mike was right to be upset since he didn't share anybody's DNA anymore. We are all one big family and we need to take care of each other.
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