Saturday, October 29, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Fourteen months and some change
It's been awhile since I've posted anything and I'm not sure I have much to say today. I have spent some time thinking about life and finally in grief therapy and I realize I am no closer to anything than I was a year ago...3 years ago...15 years ago...
I know this year Bri turned 15. I know that this year is the beginning of new years and no longer "the first year." Does any of it really matter? Can I please crawl under the covers and stay there until next year? What is life really about? Does anyone really know? All I have is a bunch of unanswered or maybe unasked questions...
Maybe next year I'll have all the answers and life will be "normal" again. See ya'll on the flip side!
I know this year Bri turned 15. I know that this year is the beginning of new years and no longer "the first year." Does any of it really matter? Can I please crawl under the covers and stay there until next year? What is life really about? Does anyone really know? All I have is a bunch of unanswered or maybe unasked questions...
Maybe next year I'll have all the answers and life will be "normal" again. See ya'll on the flip side!
Monday, September 5, 2011
Life or something like it...
So it's been awhile since I posted here. I haven't been very motivated to write...The anniversary has come and gone and I spent the day in bed hung over. We went to Virginia on our road trip and had a blast. Mike's ashes are now in Virgina too.
I've started seeing a therapist to help reconnect with myself. She asked me to write a letter to Mike putting down on paper all the things I couldn't or didn't say to him when he was alive. I get to read this letter out loud to him on the anniversary of scattering his ashes. I also need to get comfortable in my own house alone again...that is taking the most emotional toll. Oh well. I hope everyone is well and I will peridically post my ramblings of a crazy white girl!
I've started seeing a therapist to help reconnect with myself. She asked me to write a letter to Mike putting down on paper all the things I couldn't or didn't say to him when he was alive. I get to read this letter out loud to him on the anniversary of scattering his ashes. I also need to get comfortable in my own house alone again...that is taking the most emotional toll. Oh well. I hope everyone is well and I will peridically post my ramblings of a crazy white girl!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Ode to Friends
This is an ode to my very best friends from around the country. I've lived in a little town where they make Gerber baby food - Fremont, MI as a kid. We moved to NW Montana as a teen (or hell as I referred to it.) I moved back to MI and then on to Virginia as an adult. Then we moved to Colorado in . I've lived a little bit of everywhere and all along the way I've gathered great friends - some friends I've recently connected with and some who have been there since the beginning of my so called life.
One of those friends who have stuck by me even when Mike refused to "allow" me to hang out with her recently moved back to Colorado from the wilds of Illinois (are there really any wilds in that great state?) She made a special trip to my office to give me a hug on a day when I was feeling sorry for myself. I remembered something in that moment - that I am special and somebody loves me just for me. When I complained that the bed was too big and cold in the winter and I wasn't sleeping b/c I didn't want to sleep alone Carli sent me a heated mattress pad. When I was having a panic attack (which time?) she stopped what she was doing in IL and talked me through it. She's listened to my cry (not that I've done much of that) and she's listened to me scream and yell and want to throw things.
She is just one example of the kinds of friends I have surrounding me and I am so thankful for them. Who knew when I was an angry teenager moving from place to place that it was just preparing me to gather friends from around the country? Who knew the impact each person would have in my life then and now... Male and female, young and old, new friends and old friends - I salute you all today. I wouldn't be where I am without the love, hugs (I'm getting used to it) and calls - even when I don't want to answer.
One of those friends who have stuck by me even when Mike refused to "allow" me to hang out with her recently moved back to Colorado from the wilds of Illinois (are there really any wilds in that great state?) She made a special trip to my office to give me a hug on a day when I was feeling sorry for myself. I remembered something in that moment - that I am special and somebody loves me just for me. When I complained that the bed was too big and cold in the winter and I wasn't sleeping b/c I didn't want to sleep alone Carli sent me a heated mattress pad. When I was having a panic attack (which time?) she stopped what she was doing in IL and talked me through it. She's listened to my cry (not that I've done much of that) and she's listened to me scream and yell and want to throw things.
She is just one example of the kinds of friends I have surrounding me and I am so thankful for them. Who knew when I was an angry teenager moving from place to place that it was just preparing me to gather friends from around the country? Who knew the impact each person would have in my life then and now... Male and female, young and old, new friends and old friends - I salute you all today. I wouldn't be where I am without the love, hugs (I'm getting used to it) and calls - even when I don't want to answer.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Father's Day
So today is the day we honor fathers for everything they do for their kids - from spending time with them to disciplining them. I sat in church today and thought back to Father's Day last year. Mike went into the hospital the Friday before Father's Day 2010. Bri was so upset she couldn't see him she spent all of her money on a poster of an abstract guitar that I took to the hospital and Mike loved it. He told everyone how his daughter got it for him knowing he loved guitars and music.
I cried like a baby while sitting in church thinking back to that day and I just remember thinking Mason didn't even call his dad for Father's Day knowing his dad was in the hospital. I don't remember if I called my dad for Father's Day that year but I'd like to think I did.
In those six weeks Mike was in the hospital Bri saw him once. Kids under 18 were restricted from entering the hospital because of the H1N1 virus. We had to get special permission for her to go to the hospital to see him. It broke Mike's heart not to see his daughter. She was his baby girl and spoiled to boot.
Tomorrow Bri leaves on another mission trip. She heads to Joplin, MO to help clear the debris from the tornado that hit. She came home from voice lessons last week and told me about a virus that was in MO killing people. I googled it and found out that 5 people had died from mucor fungal infection. This meant nothing to Bri except she could die while in MO and she was a little worried.
This probably doesn't mean much to most people. It means the world to me - Mucor Fungal Infection is the fungus that Mike died from. Bri doesn't know this (she doesn't read the blog.) It freaked me out enough that I called the Department of Health in MO to check it out. I'm happy to report there's nothing major happening and Bri will be going on the trip.
Mike is looking down from heaven at his baby girl and smiling b/c she is such a selfless, loving, giving teenager. He left this world with the best parts of himself when we had Bri. She has his love of music and sense of humor and energy. This is a salute to her father!
I cried like a baby while sitting in church thinking back to that day and I just remember thinking Mason didn't even call his dad for Father's Day knowing his dad was in the hospital. I don't remember if I called my dad for Father's Day that year but I'd like to think I did.
In those six weeks Mike was in the hospital Bri saw him once. Kids under 18 were restricted from entering the hospital because of the H1N1 virus. We had to get special permission for her to go to the hospital to see him. It broke Mike's heart not to see his daughter. She was his baby girl and spoiled to boot.
Tomorrow Bri leaves on another mission trip. She heads to Joplin, MO to help clear the debris from the tornado that hit. She came home from voice lessons last week and told me about a virus that was in MO killing people. I googled it and found out that 5 people had died from mucor fungal infection. This meant nothing to Bri except she could die while in MO and she was a little worried.
This probably doesn't mean much to most people. It means the world to me - Mucor Fungal Infection is the fungus that Mike died from. Bri doesn't know this (she doesn't read the blog.) It freaked me out enough that I called the Department of Health in MO to check it out. I'm happy to report there's nothing major happening and Bri will be going on the trip.
Mike is looking down from heaven at his baby girl and smiling b/c she is such a selfless, loving, giving teenager. He left this world with the best parts of himself when we had Bri. She has his love of music and sense of humor and energy. This is a salute to her father!
Monday, May 9, 2011
Cars
Saturday I got in the Durango to take Bri to the mall and it wouldn't start. I came into the kitchen, sat down and cried. Yes, I had a pity party for one - ME! Then a friend came over to jump it.
Sunday I got up and dressed pretty since it was Mother's Day and again went out to the Durango and NADA! I again came inside and cried - surprise another pity party!
Monday I knew it wouldn't start so I didn't even bother. Bri walked to school and I got a ride to work. I get to my office and within an hour of getting there I get a voicemail message from P/SL. This should not have been in my voicemail. P/SL is Presbyterian/St. Luke's Hospital - where Mike had his transplant.
I hit the play button and within five seconds click the off button and say out loud with my boss standing there, "I can't deal with this right now," and burst into tears. Betsy, our transplant coordinator, has a letter from the donor and she wanted to confirm the address. Later in the day when I was feeling stronger I called her back and confirmed the address and that yes, the donor knew about Mike.
I came home and replaced the battery in the Durango. That brought back some memories of starting a car project and not being able to stop even if it was dark until it was fixed. The good ol' days when life was a little less complicated if it was just as painful.
Tomorrow is another day to either run, walk or crawl.
Sunday I got up and dressed pretty since it was Mother's Day and again went out to the Durango and NADA! I again came inside and cried - surprise another pity party!
Monday I knew it wouldn't start so I didn't even bother. Bri walked to school and I got a ride to work. I get to my office and within an hour of getting there I get a voicemail message from P/SL. This should not have been in my voicemail. P/SL is Presbyterian/St. Luke's Hospital - where Mike had his transplant.
I hit the play button and within five seconds click the off button and say out loud with my boss standing there, "I can't deal with this right now," and burst into tears. Betsy, our transplant coordinator, has a letter from the donor and she wanted to confirm the address. Later in the day when I was feeling stronger I called her back and confirmed the address and that yes, the donor knew about Mike.
I came home and replaced the battery in the Durango. That brought back some memories of starting a car project and not being able to stop even if it was dark until it was fixed. The good ol' days when life was a little less complicated if it was just as painful.
Tomorrow is another day to either run, walk or crawl.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
LAST EMAIL
Hello all, this is going out to everyone in my email address book since it will be the last mass Holliday Update so take away from this email what you need to and ignore the rest. I'm sorry I've been out of touch for awhile - know it's nothing personal, just dealing w/ my issues now.
We have postponed the trip to Virginia until the first week in August. One of Bri's friends is out of town until then and we are only making one trip back east this year so we have to make the most of it. Once it gets closer I will email those people specifically and post on my facebook. There will be a big celebration in Virginia for everyone who wants to attend. We will be scattering ashes at Hayfield High where Mike played football.
Some of you know (and some this will be a shock) but I sold my baby. Bri and I have decided to downsize until she gets her license and then she wants a Jeep Wrangler. Since we don't need two cars the Mazda went away. Now if only I could convince her to downsize and let Dakota go too!
I am having a MAJOR MUSIC SALE this weekend. Part of our downsizing is selling all of the music equipment. If you are local and want to come by it is Saturday from 12 - 4 (or call if you want something.)
Bri got her first concussion (actually 2) this past week. She was doing drills and tripped and the girl behind her fell on her head and then she was in a game and got face planted by a goal kick. She is ok but she was loopy for a little while.
You can continue to follow the saga of the Holliday Girls on Facebook or blog - www.hollidayfamilyco.blogspot.com. We think of you all as family so please feel free to continue to email, call, snail mail, text or FB. Thank you for all the love and support over the last several years. I can never repay your prayers and support but know if you need anything at all I'm a phone call away.
We have postponed the trip to Virginia until the first week in August. One of Bri's friends is out of town until then and we are only making one trip back east this year so we have to make the most of it. Once it gets closer I will email those people specifically and post on my facebook. There will be a big celebration in Virginia for everyone who wants to attend. We will be scattering ashes at Hayfield High where Mike played football.
Some of you know (and some this will be a shock) but I sold my baby. Bri and I have decided to downsize until she gets her license and then she wants a Jeep Wrangler. Since we don't need two cars the Mazda went away. Now if only I could convince her to downsize and let Dakota go too!
I am having a MAJOR MUSIC SALE this weekend. Part of our downsizing is selling all of the music equipment. If you are local and want to come by it is Saturday from 12 - 4 (or call if you want something.)
Bri got her first concussion (actually 2) this past week. She was doing drills and tripped and the girl behind her fell on her head and then she was in a game and got face planted by a goal kick. She is ok but she was loopy for a little while.
You can continue to follow the saga of the Holliday Girls on Facebook or blog - www.hollidayfamilyco.blogspot.com. We think of you all as family so please feel free to continue to email, call, snail mail, text or FB. Thank you for all the love and support over the last several years. I can never repay your prayers and support but know if you need anything at all I'm a phone call away.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Tonight...
So tonight is the last night...the last night that I will get into my Mazda RX-8 and drive like the wind...the last night I'll put the sun roof back and turn the stereo up and jam out with Theory of a Deadman. I've done something I've never done before...I walked into a car dealership alone and negotiated for a car. I'm not buying a car...Mazda is buying back my Mazda. As much as I love my car it's not practical for Bri and me right now to have the Mazda and the Durango.
If you don't know the story of the Mazda let me give you the short version: My Chrysler Concorde was stolen in DC as Mike did Chemo in VA after we moved here in '06. Geico totaled my car and gave us a check for $6000. We went car shopping...first sat in a Bug - too small. Then I test drove the car I wanted which was a Mitsubishi Eclipse - perfect. As I was test driving my dream car Mike was drooling over his - a little silver Mazda RX-8 that sat right next to the red car I'd driven off in.
Needless to say we got the Mazda and I have loved Bella ever since. But it's time to let her go to move forward. Bri and I will have the Durango that she has affectionally named "Bones," after the knuckle bump she and Mike used to do - Mike would say, "Give me some bones." At least it has a kick butt sound system that has an ipod dock :)
But tonight Bri and I drove to Castle Rock the back way to enjoy our final drive in Bella. We cruised at 84 mph w/ the sunroof back and Theory of a Deadman screaming from the Bose speakers and we laughed and thought of the great times with Mike - another chapter of the story written and the page turned...
If you don't know the story of the Mazda let me give you the short version: My Chrysler Concorde was stolen in DC as Mike did Chemo in VA after we moved here in '06. Geico totaled my car and gave us a check for $6000. We went car shopping...first sat in a Bug - too small. Then I test drove the car I wanted which was a Mitsubishi Eclipse - perfect. As I was test driving my dream car Mike was drooling over his - a little silver Mazda RX-8 that sat right next to the red car I'd driven off in.
Needless to say we got the Mazda and I have loved Bella ever since. But it's time to let her go to move forward. Bri and I will have the Durango that she has affectionally named "Bones," after the knuckle bump she and Mike used to do - Mike would say, "Give me some bones." At least it has a kick butt sound system that has an ipod dock :)
But tonight Bri and I drove to Castle Rock the back way to enjoy our final drive in Bella. We cruised at 84 mph w/ the sunroof back and Theory of a Deadman screaming from the Bose speakers and we laughed and thought of the great times with Mike - another chapter of the story written and the page turned...
Friday, April 15, 2011
a shattered soul
Bri and I got home about the same time today - she from soccer practice and me from work - to find the dog had gotten in the trash and it was everywhere. Bri was frustrated and I was annoyed...nothing new about this. We were talking about giving Dakota up to a good home where the owners wouldn't forget to feed him or spend time with him. As Bri told me she expected me to give her dog away with tears in her eyes my already shattered heart broke a little more.
Dakota is registered w/ the AKC as Dakota Holliday and Mike believed he was part of our family. How can I look at him and think about giving him away when Bri so clearly loves Dakota? Her heart has been broken enough this year. When I look back at what I was going through at 13 and 14 it was nothing compared with what she's had to deal with.
This week has been a rough week for me...I won't go into details here b/c I'm not ready to speak the words that will make me cry. I don't think I'm ready to cry yet. I don't want to be shattered...it would be so easy for me to find a good home for Dakota, the dog! But now I can't do it...so as much as I am going to continue screaming at Dakota and hating the 3 a.m. wakeup calls I will be thankful that my child will smile and have Dakota to protect her when I'm not here.
Dakota is registered w/ the AKC as Dakota Holliday and Mike believed he was part of our family. How can I look at him and think about giving him away when Bri so clearly loves Dakota? Her heart has been broken enough this year. When I look back at what I was going through at 13 and 14 it was nothing compared with what she's had to deal with.
This week has been a rough week for me...I won't go into details here b/c I'm not ready to speak the words that will make me cry. I don't think I'm ready to cry yet. I don't want to be shattered...it would be so easy for me to find a good home for Dakota, the dog! But now I can't do it...so as much as I am going to continue screaming at Dakota and hating the 3 a.m. wakeup calls I will be thankful that my child will smile and have Dakota to protect her when I'm not here.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
New beginnings
I am back from my Vegas experience...and can I say wow? Wow, that I've discovered some long overdue great things. I immersed myself in people - in being skin to skin (not the way you think) with a ton of people in order to become comfortable in my own skin...and guess what? It worked! When I said I felt like Humpty Dumpty falling I meant it and now I'm put back together (not completely yet but close.) I want to stand under the stars and scream that I'm ok...wow!
I send a big shout out to Devon, Robyn, Irma, Carey and Shawna for coming out to play with me...and for having my back (and belongings) at all times! A shout out to Nicki and Nicki and Michelle and Carline and Heather for forcing me to deal with all the issues I didn't want to deal with and for catching me when I fall! And in case I haven't said it enough: WOW! WOW! WOW!
I send a big shout out to Devon, Robyn, Irma, Carey and Shawna for coming out to play with me...and for having my back (and belongings) at all times! A shout out to Nicki and Nicki and Michelle and Carline and Heather for forcing me to deal with all the issues I didn't want to deal with and for catching me when I fall! And in case I haven't said it enough: WOW! WOW! WOW!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
New beginnings
So some of you will follow this anonymously and some will follow faithfully...tomorrow is the beginning of the next chapter for me. I fly away to Vegas to fall apart and put myself together again to be the best me that I was meant to be! Tomorrow is the first day of my grown up vacation and the first time ever that I am leaving my child for more than a night (she has left me but those who know me get this.) Carey, who has known me since 6th grade in a little town called Plains, Montana, and Devon, who met me through Mike and her husband Charlie, will be with me along with new friends Robyn and Irma to celebrate life and renewal. I'll blog while I'm in Vegas (I'll give you the PG version!)
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
LIFE OFF THE HIGHWAY!
Once long ago in a perfect world...wait, that's not the story. When my life consisted of driving to Denver and living in a hotel room (not that long ago) Bri rode with me one day and said, "Mom, you realize we live our life on the highway; right?" My day started with Starbucks in the Springs and a Vanilla Latte from Loaf N Jug in Denver - on or off the highway!
Well, today I learned a valuable lesson that my daughter tried to teach me last year - there is life off the highway! I don't have to drive fast to get to point A to point B. I took the day off to drive to Loveland to attend Suzanne's Bachelorette luncheon before the wedding tomorrow. I left early because that's what I do - an hour early for a 30 minute drive. I had time to stop at the Clinic in Denver - I heard Mike telling me to stop in and say hi to the nurses. We spent ten months at that Clinic and those nurses have seen me at my worst (not always at my best.) It was a good experience - very cleansing and positive.
Then it was off to Loveland which is about an hour north of Denver which is over an hour north of the Springs. I arrived early and wasn't sure what to do with myself so I took a detour through Loveland. This is what I discovered:
I discovered that life is quiet on a Friday morniing with the sun shining and the cool crisp February wind blowing. I discovered a sculpture park that had a pond and the most amazing pieces of art. I walked the path and thought about life and realized I hadn't slowed down enough to explore my world. I discovered that I am ok today and that is good enough for me. It didn't hurt to smile today.
Bri accused me of not knowing how to slow down and just be. Well, I discovered it today. I think from now on I will take a moment to smell the flowers and explore my world - one babystep at a time.
Well, today I learned a valuable lesson that my daughter tried to teach me last year - there is life off the highway! I don't have to drive fast to get to point A to point B. I took the day off to drive to Loveland to attend Suzanne's Bachelorette luncheon before the wedding tomorrow. I left early because that's what I do - an hour early for a 30 minute drive. I had time to stop at the Clinic in Denver - I heard Mike telling me to stop in and say hi to the nurses. We spent ten months at that Clinic and those nurses have seen me at my worst (not always at my best.) It was a good experience - very cleansing and positive.
Then it was off to Loveland which is about an hour north of Denver which is over an hour north of the Springs. I arrived early and wasn't sure what to do with myself so I took a detour through Loveland. This is what I discovered:
I discovered that life is quiet on a Friday morniing with the sun shining and the cool crisp February wind blowing. I discovered a sculpture park that had a pond and the most amazing pieces of art. I walked the path and thought about life and realized I hadn't slowed down enough to explore my world. I discovered that I am ok today and that is good enough for me. It didn't hurt to smile today.
Bri accused me of not knowing how to slow down and just be. Well, I discovered it today. I think from now on I will take a moment to smell the flowers and explore my world - one babystep at a time.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's Day
So I knew that today was Valentine's Day - I even knew it was coming up last week. It didn't really hit me what today was until last night when Bri asked me to go out and get her a couple bears for Valentines gifts for her friends. As I was standing in the aisle looking at cards I reached out and picked one up that started out, "Dear Husband." I about lost it in the aisle of Walgreens...and I thought I was prepared for that moment. I put the card down, got Bri's stuff and came home.
Fast forward to 3:15 and I get a friendly visitor in the form of a ghost opening my sliding glass door which freaked me out. So that sets the stage of an already emotional beginning to what is going to be an emotional day. I take my Ativan and Advil and proceed directly to work via starbucks first. After all it is Valentine's Day - the day to show love so why not start w/ oneself? I get to work and I'm doing ok - upbeat, positive, getting things accomplished...lunch time hits and everyone starts getting flowers and chocolate and other signs that they are loved!
I hide in my office and start crying. Caryn, the attorney I work for and who knows me really well, comes in and says, "You have two options - leave for the day or leave for an hour and come back." I look at my desk and start to feel the panic rise so I choose to leave for the day. As most people know about me when I get stressed I drive...today would have been the perfect day for my Mazda except it has a flat tire and I haven't gotten around to fixing it. This is something Mike would have done for me, along w/ the oil changes and the car wash and those things...I know how to do them. I just haven't had to do them in awhile. He most certainly would have had chocolates, roses, a teddy bear and coffee waiting for me at home after work.
I got in the Durango and I drove and I drove and I drove. I drove for two hours with the music blasting and the tears flowing...it hurts. It feels like someone thrust their hand into my chest and pulled my heart out! I thought I was prepared for this day...I thought I was getting better. When I was so exhausted from crying I came home and curled up in bed, burst into tears and passed out. Bri was home and a little worried that I was falling apart. That is where I stayed until I had to get out of bed to deal with my sick child. She needed something for her sore throat so I went to the grocery store.
Mike would have been forty today...we would have celebrated our 15th Valentine's Day together...exept it was just another day in a long line of days where I thought I was doing ok and I'm really not.
Last night Bri's facebook page wished her daddy a Happy Birthday and said she missed him and wished he'd come home. He is home - it's us (the ones left behind) who need to go home and we will eventually. This is the last of the long line of firsts that we've had to do differently.
Now we are on to Vegas and then the summer where we are going to enjoy life - explore, live, dance, laugh and cry. Thank you for walking with us on this journey.
Fast forward to 3:15 and I get a friendly visitor in the form of a ghost opening my sliding glass door which freaked me out. So that sets the stage of an already emotional beginning to what is going to be an emotional day. I take my Ativan and Advil and proceed directly to work via starbucks first. After all it is Valentine's Day - the day to show love so why not start w/ oneself? I get to work and I'm doing ok - upbeat, positive, getting things accomplished...lunch time hits and everyone starts getting flowers and chocolate and other signs that they are loved!
I hide in my office and start crying. Caryn, the attorney I work for and who knows me really well, comes in and says, "You have two options - leave for the day or leave for an hour and come back." I look at my desk and start to feel the panic rise so I choose to leave for the day. As most people know about me when I get stressed I drive...today would have been the perfect day for my Mazda except it has a flat tire and I haven't gotten around to fixing it. This is something Mike would have done for me, along w/ the oil changes and the car wash and those things...I know how to do them. I just haven't had to do them in awhile. He most certainly would have had chocolates, roses, a teddy bear and coffee waiting for me at home after work.
I got in the Durango and I drove and I drove and I drove. I drove for two hours with the music blasting and the tears flowing...it hurts. It feels like someone thrust their hand into my chest and pulled my heart out! I thought I was prepared for this day...I thought I was getting better. When I was so exhausted from crying I came home and curled up in bed, burst into tears and passed out. Bri was home and a little worried that I was falling apart. That is where I stayed until I had to get out of bed to deal with my sick child. She needed something for her sore throat so I went to the grocery store.
Mike would have been forty today...we would have celebrated our 15th Valentine's Day together...exept it was just another day in a long line of days where I thought I was doing ok and I'm really not.
Last night Bri's facebook page wished her daddy a Happy Birthday and said she missed him and wished he'd come home. He is home - it's us (the ones left behind) who need to go home and we will eventually. This is the last of the long line of firsts that we've had to do differently.
Now we are on to Vegas and then the summer where we are going to enjoy life - explore, live, dance, laugh and cry. Thank you for walking with us on this journey.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
CELEBRATION OF LIFE
Hello everyone, I just wanted to give everyone a little update. Mike's birthday would have been Valentine's Day so I am having a get together on Saturday the 12th of Feb. around 10 at the Thirsty Parrot to have a celebration birthday party. I know most of you on this list are out of state and again I'm not sorting through the locals versus the non locals so take from this what you need.
Bri and I will be taking a road trip over the 4th of July to MI and to VA for the respective events in each state. If you can make it for the celebration we would love to have everyone and pass this on to anyone you think would like to come.
I will be in Vegas for St. Patricks Day this year - much needed vacation :) And then Bri is still working to save for her international travels next year so if you need a yard girl, babysitter please let me know... yes, I'm pimping my child out.
I'd like to think we're ok - but in reality I'm not sure we are. I hope you all are ok as well. I am going through the music equipment this weekend so let me know if there's something there you want. And I'm working on the cds - I had to find them all.
Bri and I will be taking a road trip over the 4th of July to MI and to VA for the respective events in each state. If you can make it for the celebration we would love to have everyone and pass this on to anyone you think would like to come.
I will be in Vegas for St. Patricks Day this year - much needed vacation :) And then Bri is still working to save for her international travels next year so if you need a yard girl, babysitter please let me know... yes, I'm pimping my child out.
I'd like to think we're ok - but in reality I'm not sure we are. I hope you all are ok as well. I am going through the music equipment this weekend so let me know if there's something there you want. And I'm working on the cds - I had to find them all.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
New and Improved
So it's been a little while since I've posted and today I've spent the day watching movies that for no reason made me cry...Armageddon? Really? Crying over Bruce Willis and Liv Tyler! And then When in Rome w/ hottie Josh...a chick flick. And now The Nanny Diaries...Mike was the movie junkie. Between November '08 and August '10 I watched more movies than I ever wanted to and some I never want to see again. Why would I do this to myself today?
Bri was gone this weekend so it was just me and Dakota. I am not sure why Mike would ask me to keep his dog when he knows I'm not a dog person and Dakota is neglected more often than not. I didn't spend a lot of time home this weekend - as most people know I don't do well home alone.
Lazy Sundays alone watching movies is a sad, lonely existence. But I must say this has been a good week reconnecting with old friends and making new friends, for learning to laugh again and realizing that crying can be a good thing. I told a friend tonight to do the hokey pokey and turn herself around and turn her frown upside down. I should take my own advice. It's been 5 months last week and I think I'm getting better.
Thanks to everyone for the love and support. Maybe we'll get snowed in tomorrow and I'll be able to curl up on the sofa with a book instead of movies :)
Bri was gone this weekend so it was just me and Dakota. I am not sure why Mike would ask me to keep his dog when he knows I'm not a dog person and Dakota is neglected more often than not. I didn't spend a lot of time home this weekend - as most people know I don't do well home alone.
Lazy Sundays alone watching movies is a sad, lonely existence. But I must say this has been a good week reconnecting with old friends and making new friends, for learning to laugh again and realizing that crying can be a good thing. I told a friend tonight to do the hokey pokey and turn herself around and turn her frown upside down. I should take my own advice. It's been 5 months last week and I think I'm getting better.
Thanks to everyone for the love and support. Maybe we'll get snowed in tomorrow and I'll be able to curl up on the sofa with a book instead of movies :)
Monday, January 10, 2011
The next holiday
Well, the second to the last big one has come and gone without a hiccup. My anniversary was yesterday - and I thought about this one a lot. The other holidays all have something special and can be remembered in different ways but this one was unique to me. January 9th was my anniversary.
I had a really bad week and met a friend to vent. He asked why I set myself up for negativity - why each day had to mean something. He said January 9th is just a day - I should remember the anniversaries of the past but it's no longer my anniversary. This seems a little harsh but I probably need some tough love and we agreed up front to always be honest. He asked why I was dreading Valentine's Day when it was just another day. When I explained it was Mike's birthday he said "was" - and now it's Just Valentine's Day. I should remember the birthdays of past but celebrate Valentine's Day!
Bri asked if she could take Valentine's Day off from school. I told her it was just another day and we needed to learn how to live in each day instead of attaching signficance to every day. She was upset b/c it was daddy's birthday. I explained that yesterday was my anniversary which had always been a special day and for fifteen years I was part of that day and now I had to learn how to live January 9th as a single person - the signficance of January 9th changed.
Valentine's Day is the last in a long line of firsts that I need to deal with before Vegas. The other holidays after that one can be celebrated in new ways and have different memories attached. But again, it's just Valentine's Day.
My facebook quote today says I feel like humpty dumpty and afraid to fall off the wall because I'm not sure I can put myself back together. A friend told me recently that's the point - to not put yourself back together the same way because you are different when you're broken. I am broken...and it will be interesting to see who I become when I'm put back together again. But I do know that made it through January 9th as a single person just as I will make it through Valentine's Day in one piece.
I had a really bad week and met a friend to vent. He asked why I set myself up for negativity - why each day had to mean something. He said January 9th is just a day - I should remember the anniversaries of the past but it's no longer my anniversary. This seems a little harsh but I probably need some tough love and we agreed up front to always be honest. He asked why I was dreading Valentine's Day when it was just another day. When I explained it was Mike's birthday he said "was" - and now it's Just Valentine's Day. I should remember the birthdays of past but celebrate Valentine's Day!
Bri asked if she could take Valentine's Day off from school. I told her it was just another day and we needed to learn how to live in each day instead of attaching signficance to every day. She was upset b/c it was daddy's birthday. I explained that yesterday was my anniversary which had always been a special day and for fifteen years I was part of that day and now I had to learn how to live January 9th as a single person - the signficance of January 9th changed.
Valentine's Day is the last in a long line of firsts that I need to deal with before Vegas. The other holidays after that one can be celebrated in new ways and have different memories attached. But again, it's just Valentine's Day.
My facebook quote today says I feel like humpty dumpty and afraid to fall off the wall because I'm not sure I can put myself back together. A friend told me recently that's the point - to not put yourself back together the same way because you are different when you're broken. I am broken...and it will be interesting to see who I become when I'm put back together again. But I do know that made it through January 9th as a single person just as I will make it through Valentine's Day in one piece.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Year
Hello everyone! Welcome to the 2011 edition of the Holliday Family life. I hope everyone had a great New Year's Eve and greeted this year with love and a smile :) I had a quiet New Year. Bri spent the evening with her best friend's family at a hotel to celebrate the new year. As most of you can guess I was not ready to bring in another year in a hotel room - been there, done that.
We are planning a trip back to Virginia in July. We are taking a road trip to Cedar Point Amusement Park in Ohio and then heading east. We are planning a celebration of life party for everyone when we get there. Just a heads up for anyone outside of VA for planning purposes. I'd love to see everyone if you can make it - I'll send out more details when I get them in place.
I will be in Vegas for a much needed vacation (girls weekend) for St. Patricks Day this year. I'm excited to see all my girls. Sorry, guys - maybe next year we'll do a guys weekend but I wouldn't be able to attend :)
My goal for January is to get the band cds out. I know I've been saying this but it's been a little bit of a struggle the last couple of months with all the holidays happening. I am also appraising and selling the music equipment this month so if you are in the market let me know.
Bri is working hard in 2011 to save for her three international trips of 2012 - Japan for Spring Break, London in July for her school choir performing at the Pre-Olympic events and then Kenya with our church youth group to dig a well for an orphanage.
Thank you for the support and love this past year and dealing with my crazy year of firsts. I couldn't have made it without the love and support of everyone. 2011 is going to be a great year for the Hollidays.
You can continue to follow the saga on the blog: Hollidayfamilyinco.blogspot.com or facebook - I've discovered this is therapy for me!
We are planning a trip back to Virginia in July. We are taking a road trip to Cedar Point Amusement Park in Ohio and then heading east. We are planning a celebration of life party for everyone when we get there. Just a heads up for anyone outside of VA for planning purposes. I'd love to see everyone if you can make it - I'll send out more details when I get them in place.
I will be in Vegas for a much needed vacation (girls weekend) for St. Patricks Day this year. I'm excited to see all my girls. Sorry, guys - maybe next year we'll do a guys weekend but I wouldn't be able to attend :)
My goal for January is to get the band cds out. I know I've been saying this but it's been a little bit of a struggle the last couple of months with all the holidays happening. I am also appraising and selling the music equipment this month so if you are in the market let me know.
Bri is working hard in 2011 to save for her three international trips of 2012 - Japan for Spring Break, London in July for her school choir performing at the Pre-Olympic events and then Kenya with our church youth group to dig a well for an orphanage.
Thank you for the support and love this past year and dealing with my crazy year of firsts. I couldn't have made it without the love and support of everyone. 2011 is going to be a great year for the Hollidays.
You can continue to follow the saga on the blog: Hollidayfamilyinco.blogspot.com or facebook - I've discovered this is therapy for me!
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