Once long ago in a perfect world...wait, that's not the story. When my life consisted of driving to Denver and living in a hotel room (not that long ago) Bri rode with me one day and said, "Mom, you realize we live our life on the highway; right?" My day started with Starbucks in the Springs and a Vanilla Latte from Loaf N Jug in Denver - on or off the highway!
Well, today I learned a valuable lesson that my daughter tried to teach me last year - there is life off the highway! I don't have to drive fast to get to point A to point B. I took the day off to drive to Loveland to attend Suzanne's Bachelorette luncheon before the wedding tomorrow. I left early because that's what I do - an hour early for a 30 minute drive. I had time to stop at the Clinic in Denver - I heard Mike telling me to stop in and say hi to the nurses. We spent ten months at that Clinic and those nurses have seen me at my worst (not always at my best.) It was a good experience - very cleansing and positive.
Then it was off to Loveland which is about an hour north of Denver which is over an hour north of the Springs. I arrived early and wasn't sure what to do with myself so I took a detour through Loveland. This is what I discovered:
I discovered that life is quiet on a Friday morniing with the sun shining and the cool crisp February wind blowing. I discovered a sculpture park that had a pond and the most amazing pieces of art. I walked the path and thought about life and realized I hadn't slowed down enough to explore my world. I discovered that I am ok today and that is good enough for me. It didn't hurt to smile today.
Bri accused me of not knowing how to slow down and just be. Well, I discovered it today. I think from now on I will take a moment to smell the flowers and explore my world - one babystep at a time.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's Day
So I knew that today was Valentine's Day - I even knew it was coming up last week. It didn't really hit me what today was until last night when Bri asked me to go out and get her a couple bears for Valentines gifts for her friends. As I was standing in the aisle looking at cards I reached out and picked one up that started out, "Dear Husband." I about lost it in the aisle of Walgreens...and I thought I was prepared for that moment. I put the card down, got Bri's stuff and came home.
Fast forward to 3:15 and I get a friendly visitor in the form of a ghost opening my sliding glass door which freaked me out. So that sets the stage of an already emotional beginning to what is going to be an emotional day. I take my Ativan and Advil and proceed directly to work via starbucks first. After all it is Valentine's Day - the day to show love so why not start w/ oneself? I get to work and I'm doing ok - upbeat, positive, getting things accomplished...lunch time hits and everyone starts getting flowers and chocolate and other signs that they are loved!
I hide in my office and start crying. Caryn, the attorney I work for and who knows me really well, comes in and says, "You have two options - leave for the day or leave for an hour and come back." I look at my desk and start to feel the panic rise so I choose to leave for the day. As most people know about me when I get stressed I drive...today would have been the perfect day for my Mazda except it has a flat tire and I haven't gotten around to fixing it. This is something Mike would have done for me, along w/ the oil changes and the car wash and those things...I know how to do them. I just haven't had to do them in awhile. He most certainly would have had chocolates, roses, a teddy bear and coffee waiting for me at home after work.
I got in the Durango and I drove and I drove and I drove. I drove for two hours with the music blasting and the tears flowing...it hurts. It feels like someone thrust their hand into my chest and pulled my heart out! I thought I was prepared for this day...I thought I was getting better. When I was so exhausted from crying I came home and curled up in bed, burst into tears and passed out. Bri was home and a little worried that I was falling apart. That is where I stayed until I had to get out of bed to deal with my sick child. She needed something for her sore throat so I went to the grocery store.
Mike would have been forty today...we would have celebrated our 15th Valentine's Day together...exept it was just another day in a long line of days where I thought I was doing ok and I'm really not.
Last night Bri's facebook page wished her daddy a Happy Birthday and said she missed him and wished he'd come home. He is home - it's us (the ones left behind) who need to go home and we will eventually. This is the last of the long line of firsts that we've had to do differently.
Now we are on to Vegas and then the summer where we are going to enjoy life - explore, live, dance, laugh and cry. Thank you for walking with us on this journey.
Fast forward to 3:15 and I get a friendly visitor in the form of a ghost opening my sliding glass door which freaked me out. So that sets the stage of an already emotional beginning to what is going to be an emotional day. I take my Ativan and Advil and proceed directly to work via starbucks first. After all it is Valentine's Day - the day to show love so why not start w/ oneself? I get to work and I'm doing ok - upbeat, positive, getting things accomplished...lunch time hits and everyone starts getting flowers and chocolate and other signs that they are loved!
I hide in my office and start crying. Caryn, the attorney I work for and who knows me really well, comes in and says, "You have two options - leave for the day or leave for an hour and come back." I look at my desk and start to feel the panic rise so I choose to leave for the day. As most people know about me when I get stressed I drive...today would have been the perfect day for my Mazda except it has a flat tire and I haven't gotten around to fixing it. This is something Mike would have done for me, along w/ the oil changes and the car wash and those things...I know how to do them. I just haven't had to do them in awhile. He most certainly would have had chocolates, roses, a teddy bear and coffee waiting for me at home after work.
I got in the Durango and I drove and I drove and I drove. I drove for two hours with the music blasting and the tears flowing...it hurts. It feels like someone thrust their hand into my chest and pulled my heart out! I thought I was prepared for this day...I thought I was getting better. When I was so exhausted from crying I came home and curled up in bed, burst into tears and passed out. Bri was home and a little worried that I was falling apart. That is where I stayed until I had to get out of bed to deal with my sick child. She needed something for her sore throat so I went to the grocery store.
Mike would have been forty today...we would have celebrated our 15th Valentine's Day together...exept it was just another day in a long line of days where I thought I was doing ok and I'm really not.
Last night Bri's facebook page wished her daddy a Happy Birthday and said she missed him and wished he'd come home. He is home - it's us (the ones left behind) who need to go home and we will eventually. This is the last of the long line of firsts that we've had to do differently.
Now we are on to Vegas and then the summer where we are going to enjoy life - explore, live, dance, laugh and cry. Thank you for walking with us on this journey.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
CELEBRATION OF LIFE
Hello everyone, I just wanted to give everyone a little update. Mike's birthday would have been Valentine's Day so I am having a get together on Saturday the 12th of Feb. around 10 at the Thirsty Parrot to have a celebration birthday party. I know most of you on this list are out of state and again I'm not sorting through the locals versus the non locals so take from this what you need.
Bri and I will be taking a road trip over the 4th of July to MI and to VA for the respective events in each state. If you can make it for the celebration we would love to have everyone and pass this on to anyone you think would like to come.
I will be in Vegas for St. Patricks Day this year - much needed vacation :) And then Bri is still working to save for her international travels next year so if you need a yard girl, babysitter please let me know... yes, I'm pimping my child out.
I'd like to think we're ok - but in reality I'm not sure we are. I hope you all are ok as well. I am going through the music equipment this weekend so let me know if there's something there you want. And I'm working on the cds - I had to find them all.
Bri and I will be taking a road trip over the 4th of July to MI and to VA for the respective events in each state. If you can make it for the celebration we would love to have everyone and pass this on to anyone you think would like to come.
I will be in Vegas for St. Patricks Day this year - much needed vacation :) And then Bri is still working to save for her international travels next year so if you need a yard girl, babysitter please let me know... yes, I'm pimping my child out.
I'd like to think we're ok - but in reality I'm not sure we are. I hope you all are ok as well. I am going through the music equipment this weekend so let me know if there's something there you want. And I'm working on the cds - I had to find them all.
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