The next holiday

Well, the second to the last big one has come and gone without a hiccup.  My anniversary was yesterday - and I thought about this one a lot.  The other holidays all have something special and can be remembered in different ways but this one was unique to me.  January 9th was my anniversary.

I had a really bad week and met a friend to vent.  He asked why I set myself up for negativity - why each day had to mean something.  He said January 9th is just a day - I should remember the anniversaries of the past but it's no longer my anniversary.  This seems a little harsh but I probably need some tough love and we agreed up front to always be honest.  He asked why I was dreading Valentine's Day when it was just another day.  When I explained it was Mike's birthday he said "was" - and now it's Just Valentine's Day.  I should remember the birthdays of past but celebrate Valentine's Day!

Bri asked if she could take Valentine's Day off from school.  I told her it was just another day and we needed to learn how to live in each day instead of attaching signficance to every day.  She was upset b/c it was daddy's birthday.  I explained that yesterday was my anniversary which had always been a special day and for fifteen years I was part of that day and now I had to learn how to live January 9th as a single person - the signficance of January 9th changed. 

Valentine's Day is the last in a long line of firsts that I need to deal with before Vegas.  The other holidays after that one can be celebrated in new ways and have different memories attached.  But again, it's just Valentine's Day.

My facebook quote today says I feel like humpty dumpty and afraid to fall off the wall because I'm not sure I can put myself back together.  A friend told me recently that's the point - to not put yourself back together the same way because you are different when you're broken.  I am broken...and it will be interesting to see who I become when I'm put back together again.  But I do know that made it through January 9th as a single person just as I will make it through Valentine's Day in one piece.