Today...

Today is two months of silence; two months of discovering how to be a single parent (for those who knew me three months ago know that I was a single parent even back then and have been for awhile); two months of miscellaneous crying, screaming, throwing things and sinking to my knees in pain.  Today, October 21, 2010 is two months since my world shifted and Bri's world fell apart.  In those two months Bri and I have moved, she started back at church after a long absence, we've seen more family than I ever want to see again and have been touched by more love and hugs than we thought possible.  Bri and I are not naturally touchy people but we have overcome the obstacles and embrace those who need to embrace us.  Are we healing?  I'm not sure.  Are we moving through the grief stages?  Yes.

I cannot begin to imagine or understand what is rattling around in Bri's head.  She turned 14 and she's a great girl.  When I was 14 I was moving from city to city in Montana angry at my parents for living that lifestyle and wishing somebody died (I won't name names.)  I refused to eat b/c I didn't want to be fat and I spent hours throwing a basketball just to escape into myself.  I'm not saying I had an easy life but looking back on it I had more parents than I wanted - what is it like to lose a parent so early in life? 

I may not do milestone blogs for each month but this one seemed appropriate in the silence of my brain.  We scattered the ashes on Pikes Peak.  We saved some for the football field at Hayfield High where Mike had some of his most fond memories (and had the greatest friends) and we will take some to Japan with us when we make that great journey to meet his family overseas.